Remember when comedians were funny (and not mean)? This is from an email "fwd" that I nearly deleted when I saw that it was about Bob Hope, of all people, but then I decided to "read more."
ON TURNING 70: 'I still chase women, but only Downhill.
ON TURNING 80: 'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'
ON TURNING 90: 'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100: 'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel Anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING: 'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR: 'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.
ON GOLF: 'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'
ON PRESIDENTS: 'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER: 'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham."
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL: 'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY: 'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS: 'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES: 'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the Stuff the audience threw at me.'
ON GOING TO HEAVEN: 'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
Posted by: Mannie Sherberg | Monday, 14 May 2012 at 12:27 PM
Posted by: Tom Glennon | Monday, 14 May 2012 at 02:59 PM
Posted by: Yael | Monday, 14 May 2012 at 07:50 PM
Posted by: Mike | Tuesday, 15 May 2012 at 06:44 PM