Israeli Tourism packages for Leftists Who Hate Israel

Daniel Greenfield at Sultan Knish:

 

The Gaza flotilla and the flytilla may have been failures, but they were also missed opportunities for Israel. It's no secret that a portion of Israel's tourist trade comes from "Protest Tourism." From philosophy students and poetry PhD's who want a chance to visit the Holy Land, throw some rocks at a soldier and have their pictures taken with AK-47 wielding terrorists. And it's time that the Israeli tourist industry took their business seriously.

Rather than profiling them and giving them the heave ho at the airport, why not develop special tourism packages catering to their needs. Happily one company, Outraged Protest Tours is already on it.

By the first quarter of 2012, Outraged Protest Tours expects to be able to offer angry entitled brats a choice of three tour packages in Israel.

 

I'll give you just a bit of the first one, then you'll have to go read all three tour descriptions at the original.  The entirety is, as they say, "priceless."

 

 

  1. The Rachel Corrie

You're angry at your parents. You're angry at the world. You're still angry at Bush. One time you saw a PBS documentary on Gaza and you said, "Man, are those people angry. But in a really deep and spiritual way."

Pack your hemp sandals, your 259 dollar sunglasses and get ready to fill your Flickr account with photos of underprivileged children.

Take off from San Francisco International Airport in a remodeled Tupolev Tu-114 aircraft that smells like gasoline and cow manure. As your body tries to decide whether it should pass out from the fumes or throw up from the turbulence, you will relish knowing that you have left behind your comfortable life and are experiencing the agony of being in the Third World. Your ticket price of 3000 dollars will be a small price to pay for the insights from this experience that you will be able to share on Tumblr.

You land at Ben Gurion airport, after three hours going through customs, where you will be encouraged to yell "Power to the People" slogans at officials who will pretend not to understand what you are saying. If you cannot think of any slogans to yell, a booklet of slogans handwritten by a committee that includes Noam Chomsky, Tony Kushner and Norman Finkelstein (19.95) will be provided for you.

Accommodations will be provided inside a half-collapsed house with an Israeli bulldozer outside. With six to a room, your job will be to prevent the bulldozer from knocking over the house. At unpredictable times during the night, the bulldozer will start up, and then you will be expected to run out of the house, screaming and waving your hands, while shouting political slogans at it. The bulldozer will then usually stop. If it does not, you will be expected to lie in the mud while contemplating the geopolitics of the whole thing. If anyone asks you to leave and go to a bar with them for a pint because the world is ending, you will know this to be a trick. As bars are against Islam.

Sometimes during the night, men will come through the tunnels in the house, carrying mortar rounds and IED's. You will be given 15 minutes to pose for pictures with them. These will look really good on your Facebook and your friends who just went skiing or to build homes in Africa will be really jealous....

 

 

Kudos to Daniel, a writer of many voices. This one, I think, may be the most brilliant.

Comments

[Mannie Sherberg]

Yael, you've already used the only adjective I know to adequately describe this one-in-a-million post: brilliant. as someone who used to write travel brochures for a living, I can attest that Daniel has mimicked their tone perfectly. This is satire worthy of virtuousos of the form -- and I suspect that such masters as Jonathan Swift and Laurence Sterne and Evelyn Waugh and Mark Twain and Ambrose Bierce would, were they able to read this piece, be green with envy. Bravissimo, Daniel!

[Daniel Greenfield @ Sultan Knish blog]

Ah I was looking for that picture, but couldn't find it.

[Daniel Greenfield @ Sultan Knish blog]

and thank you Manny